Last week one of my close friends asked a question that i thought was worth discussing. He inquired about how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even if everything is going good.
The truth is it's not at all an easy question to answer considering that it varies for every person. There are actually thousands of books that have been written on that subject only. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you may fail. If you keep trying it over and over you may start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first attempt, it will also be frightening - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The right approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is especially scary. Therefore when I am approaching a good looking woman in a party, instead of telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will find a means to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i understand she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to chill, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and then to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. When you feel uncomfortable and scared just try to consider a lower gradient which isn't as frightening and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and how to relate to them in a short time.
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